How to be a Domestic Goddess

I don’t know if you ladies have heard of Nigella Lawson, but lately I’ve been watching a lot of clips of her shows and interviews on youtube. In fact, I think I spend more than double the amount of time I spend actually cooking glued to youtube’s many amazing cooking/baking/decorating channels (from things like clips of Gordon Ramsay to user produced channels like SortedFood, HilahCooking, WoodlandBakery and MyCupcakeAddiction). My husband likes to say that when I’m procrastinating I'm not actually wasting my time at all, in fact, it’s time well spent learning about food and cooking.

Anyhow, back to Nigella. “How to be a Domestic Goddess” is actually the title of one of her cookbooks. Often people the title seriously and take offence, as if Nigella actually claims to hold all the answers to being a “Domestic Goddess” but Nigella is first to emphasize that the title is meant ironically. Yes, Nigella does cook, but she is far from a Domestic Goddess. She may be a goddess in the food industry in terms of the delicious food she is able to plate, but she's really an inspiration to home cooks who don't want to spend hours preparing food--her meals appear to have taken hours to prepare, but in fact have taken very little effort at all. It’s hard to describe in words, so I suggest you watch some videos of her, but she’s all about cutting corners in food prep, but making indulgent food and actually enjoying her dishes to the fullest. She’s eloquent, charming, passionate, beautiful and has revolutionized life for the home cook. 

Food is a central part of our lives and food preparation is something I'm constantly thinking about. I've always enjoyed cooking but, for a time (and still now to some extent) I was hesitant to invite many shabbos guests (especially not for both meals) because I always feel like I have to make lots and lots of food. If it were just us two, I'd just make a soup or a small cholent. When I have guests I always make  6 or 7 dishes and I often end up stressed out. Perhaps it also has something to do with starting to work on Fridays, and thus having to prioritize my time better, or perhaps having a second freezer (yay!!) helps remove a lot of the stress of food preparation. Either way, I've come to enjoy cooking even more than I did, even on the weeknights when it’s just us. I think I've also been able to enjoy the food more than I used to before Nigella inspired me. I make simple foods, and manage my time wisely. The stress of perfectionism in the kitchen is slowly dissipating.  While I'm far from a Domestic Goddess in the kitchen, I'm certainly getting there in the more satirical sense of the phrase as used by Nigella.  

Fractals and free will

This is something that’s been on my mind for quite a while and maybe this is too big a topic to tackle here but I’m going to try, if you guys will bear with me as I think this one through.

In my last semester of college, I somehow got into a discussion of religion with one of my classmates. We covered a wide gamut of topics but one of the things that particularly bothered him was the topic of freewill. To be honest I’m not even sure where his argument was going but one of the things he said was ‘How can we have free will? You can’t control your breathing’ and he made a couple of arguments in a similar vein. This kind of hung around my head all summer long, collecting a web of tangled thoughts.

I’m no theologian or expert in psychology. I don’t even have that much life experience but these are some of my thoughts. For me the concept of free will is both very empowering and frightening. Free will means that my decisions and actions have meaning-because of that I am accountable for those choices.

There are a lot of things that I do consciously and with awareness-it’s kind of obvious in those situations that some sort of decision making is going on there. But what about all those things I do unconsciously-whether it’s by force of habit or it's something like breathing?

I think we have the free will to have free will. I know that sounds kind of redundant but hear me out. While I can’t control my breathing and am doing it subconsciously, there are plenty of people that have that type of control. Whether they’re doing it for vocal training, or they’re pearl divers, or some Tibetan monk, they’ve taken the time and effort to train themselves to be conscious of their breathing and can now control it. When I was in middle school, I decided that being able to lift one eyebrow would be a really useful ability to have (I had great goals then). After about a month of standing in front of a mirror at random points and rearranging my eyebrows, I became aware of the muscles and now can look doubting or aloof and impress people at parties.

We decide what we care about and what we want to make decisions about.

I think free will is sort of like a fractal. Fractals are those really cool geometric shapes that are made of repeating patterns that grow smaller and smaller. 

At the beginning it's really easy to see what the initial shape is-that’s the decision to make a decision. But as you get further into life and make bigger and increasingly more complex decisions the original shape is nearly impossible to see.

The transformation from the original shape to the complex fractal can be so radical that it's almost frightening but it can also be incredibly beautiful.

Cultivating an Attitude of Excitement

Last week flew up to Cleveland for a good friend’s wedding. While I was there, I realized that I belong to a very small minority of people who actually enjoy flying. Whenever I mentioned my plans for flying back, the response was invariably a sympathetic look and often a comment about what a hassle it is to fly anywhere. I suppose I have always known that I enjoy the whole experience of flying more than the average person, but I hadn’t realized to what extent others allowed the inconveniences of airports, security, and crowded seats to overshadow the pure awesomeness of flying anywhere—be it an hour away or eighteen hours away.

Flying always gives me this great feeling of independence. I love walking through the airport and browsing through the overpriced little stores; I always buy myself a bar of chocolate and a new novel to occupy me as I wait to board. I hardly notice if the seats are slightly cramped as I look out the window and watch the world drop away. And every time the flight attendant announces that we have reached 10,000 feet, I am amazed all over again.

Not many people enjoy the whole experience of flying the way I do, and I wondered why I was the odd one out. When I looked at it on a larger scale, I realized that my attitude toward flying is just one example of a belief I try to live by: an excited attitude makes the world a lot more fun.

Let me give you another example. For the past couple of years, I have been a volunteer usher at a local theater where symphonies and Broadway musicals on tour come to perform. I am always a little shocked at how casually some patrons come dressed to see a show—jeans and a T-shirt is quite common—and how they can saunter into the theater ten, fifteen, even twenty minutes late, seemingly unconcerned. I can’t fathom the mindset of patrons who plan a night out, buy tickets to a show (often expensive), and then arrive so sloppily dressed and, even worse, late! If you can’t dress up for a night at the theater, when can you dress up? There aren’t many opportunities to wear a nice dress and show off your heels—why not take the time to inject a little pizzazz and excitement into your week?

Many of the ushers are not much better. As ushers we occasionally get to see some of the behind-the-scenes action and sometimes even meet performers. I always get a huge kick out of it whenever something cool like that happens, but then I’ll turn to another usher and see that they are completely unmoved. How it is possible to be behind-the-scenes at The Lion King, to see the inner workings of all the animal costumes and stand amongst the chorus as they sing, and not be grinning from ear to ear (and squealing inside) is beyond me. I mean, the ushers are volunteers—we are not being paid to be there and, in fact, we have to pay for our own parking. So you would think that the only reason to usher is because you are excited to see the show, right? Right? I just don’t understand.

The whole thing brings to mind the movie Gigi starring Leslie Caron and Louis Jourdan—a great movie if you haven’t yet seen it. Gaston (Louis Jourdan) is fabulously wealthy and yet everything is a bore and he is forever “filled with ennui.” Gigi (Leslie Caron), on the other hand, is excited by the smallest of things. Gigi breathes fresh life into Gaston’s world by taking delight in things and activities he had long before written off as “boring.”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that a whole world of wonderful little experiences can pass you by if you fail to acknowledge and be excited by their specialness. Eventually even the “big” exciting moments will be dulled because excitability and appreciation are qualities that have to be exercised. If you don’t practice an attitude of excitement on the little events and adventures, you may not be able to fully appreciate the big ones.